CHEESE

- A link-fest of strange articles about cheese, set to poetry.

Ode on the Mammoth Cheese Weighing over 7,000 pounds

James McIntyre

We have seen the Queen of Cheese,
Lying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze,
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.

All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.

Cows numerous as a swarm of bees --
Or as the leaves upon the trees--
It did require to make thee please,
And stand unrivalled, Queen of Cheese.

May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great World's show at Paris.

Of the youth -- beware of these--
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek, then songs or glees
We could not sing, o' Queen of Cheese.

We'rt thou suspended from balloon,
You'd cast a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.


Analysis of the poem and subsequent links.
Poem
James McIntyre could give a Vogon a run for his money.

Links
Line 2 - I'd actually found this a few months back. (hangs head in shame) Yes. I've been watching cheese on the internet.
Line 3 - 2006 Ig Nobel Prize winner in Chemistry
Line 5 - Truly a very strange man.
Line 7 - Same strange man from line five. Apparently, covering Twiggy in cheese simply wasn't artistic enough.
Line 9 - Gotta love h2g2.

Line 10 - L. Frank Baum was imaginative. I've never read his works. Now that I know he has "cheese trees", I may never read them.
Line 12 - I just can't see it published as a children's book. A bit too... tragic? Or stinky?
Line 13 - He got PAID for HATING cheese. For $500, I could hate cheese. (Well, I could.)
Line 15 - The story that started it all. (see below)
Line 17 - If people would just snort cheese, we wouldn't have a drug problem in this country.
Line 19 - Strange people. Strange blog titles. (Oops. Guess I shouldn't criticize.)
Line 19/20 - Keith Moseley says the band name came from a fortune cookie. I think it's obvious that it was cheese inspired.
Line 21 - The reference I was looking for can be found at approximately 3:00 minutes in, but I enjoyed the entire thing, particularly the ending.
Line 23 - I always wondered about that!

And now I have to ask myself, which is more disturbing:

• that people have created multiple forms of art about (and out of) cheese (and in one case attempted murder - see line 17),
• that all of these things can be found on the Internet,
• or that upon hearing that a man has carved a replica of Mt. Rushmore out of cheese, my reaction was to create this post?

Personally, I'm a bit concerned about the last item.

I promise to provide a more intellectual and/or insightful post next time, or at the very least not mention cheese... even once.